


The Exorcist's (Discord) Hell

by melodicake



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: And Rin, Crack, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Swearing, always getting teased by the exwires and shura, especially Rin, everyone is OOC and i love it, manga canon because fuck the anime, oh my god this is a hot mess, poor yukio, this is why I have no friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2018-11-23 09:17:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11399607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodicake/pseuds/melodicake
Summary: Rin thought it would be a good idea to make a discord group for the ExWires (plus Yukio). It was not a good idea.





	1. The Dawn of Hell

**Author's Note:**

> teen rating because of implied sexual content and a crap ton of cursing........  
> hope you enjoy the shit lmao

_**Fiery Dumbass** has created a new group chat: **Hell**_

Fiery Dumbass: here we go

Yukio: do you ever just sit back for a moment

Yukio: and think about your actions

Fiery Dumbass:

Fiery Dumbass: nope

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Ooooooooh, so this chat is for school and stuff? Cool! (〃⌒∇⌒)

Fiery Dumbass: totally

Yukio: just roll with it shiemi

Yummy Bon Bon: now what is the point of this chat

Yukio: that’s what i’m asking

Fiery Dumbass: don’t question it

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Aww, poor Yukio is just reading all of our shenanigans… 〔´∇｀〕

Fiery Dumbass: lol no he’s laughing his ass off and trying to hide it

Yukio: nii-san stop it

Fiery Dumbass: nii-san my ass

Illuminati Confirmed: take a shot every time Rin says ass

Yukio: shut up you illuminati traitor

Fiery Dumbass: shut up you illuminati piece of shit

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: well

Konekomeowru: that definitely shows how different those two are

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: ...Has anyone ever thought of a Rin and Shima fusion?

Yukio: ???

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: fusion? like, they “fuse” and become one person? never thought of it, but it sounds interesting enough

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: I was thinking if they fused would they be like a flirty Natsu Dragneel?

Yukio: Shiemi no

Illuminati Confirmed: Shiemi YES

Drunk Booby Bitch: So you’re implying that he’s gonna tap that blonde ass

Yummy Bon Bon: how the hell did shura get in here

Fiery Dumbass: no idea

Drunk Booby Bitch: well i have to keep watch on rin, don’t i? ;)

Yukio: wait back up did you just say the rin/shima fusion would “tap that blonde ass”

Yukio: are you implying what i think you’re implying

Konekomeowru: NO

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: DO NOT DO THIS TO SHIEMI

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: …?

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: I’m so confused to be honest… ｡(*^▽^*)ゞ

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: Shiemi do not listen to Shura or Yukio

Yukio: i was just pointing out shura’s comment that nobody seemed to notice i have nothing to do with this

Fiery Dumbass: what the fuck goes on in your mind shura

Drunk Booby Bitch: that’s what we’re all asking about you, rin

Yukio: …

Illuminati Confirmed: OOOOOOOOOOOOOH

Yummy Bon Bon: shima are you not bothered by shura’s comment at all because tbh it was pretty disturbing

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: oh no i need brain bleach

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: dunno about the pink haired traitor

Illuminati Confirmed: can you stop calling me that

Yukio: what else are we supposed to call you

Illuminati Confirmed: i would like to be treated like a normal human being

Drunk Booby Bitch: you are anything but a normal human being

Yummy Bon Bon: shura are you drunk

Drunk Booby Bitch: the hell do you think

Yukio: she’s got a point, her name IS drunk booby bitch

Yummy Bon Bon: true, true.

Yummy Bon Bon: wAIT THEN WHY IS SHE HERE RIGHT NOW

Yummy Bon Bon: GO TO REHAB YOU ALCOHOLIC YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUR TEACHER

Drunk Booby Bitch: well teachers always need time off right yuk

Yukio: ?????

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Did Shura pass out? ฅ=͟͟͞͞((꒪∆꒪;)ฅ

Yummy Bon Bon: probably

Yukio: she’ll be alright i suppose

Yummy Bon Bon: but she called you yuk

Fiery Dumbass: oml i have an idea

Yuk: huh

Yuk: nii-san no

Fiery Dumbass: nii-san yes

Yummy Bon Bon: nii-san yes

Illuminati Confirmed: nii-san yes

Konekomeowru: nii-san yes

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: nii-san yes

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Nii-san Yes! o((*^▽^*))o

Drunk Booby Bitch: nii-san yes

Yuk: wait

Yummy Bon Bon: god damnit shura

Drunk Booby Bitch: im back and better than ever

Yummy Bon Bon: again, go to rehab

Drunk Booby Bitch: naaaaaaaaah ill just have mephisto come and get me if i get too drunk……

Yuk: thats not healthy

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Be careful, Shura! (⊃д⊂)

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: wait how many times has shiemi used an emoticon

Konekomeowru: 6 times

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: also why is rin chatting the least here

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: i would expect him to be the talkative one rather than yukio

Yuk: he’s cooking smth

Yummy Bon Bon: to be honest i expected something worse

Illuminati Confirmed: me too

Konekomeowru: me three

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: me four

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Me five! o(^▽^)o

Konekomeowru: that makes it 7 times now

Fiery Dumbass: babe why do you do these things to me

Illuminati Confirmed: hold up

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: ASDFGJDFOBIWDJNODLB

Yuk: ????????????????????

Konekomeowru: I KNEW IT

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: ARE RIN AND BON DATING??

Drunk Booby Bitch: well at least he tapped a half blonde ass

Yummy Bon Bon: RIN WHY

Illuminati Confirmed: and at that point, rin knew

Illuminati Confirmed: **_he fucked up_**

Fiery Dumbass: nO WAIT I WAS JOKING

Drunk Booby Bitch: stop denying it

Yuk: rin you piss child you didnt even tell your nii-san

Fiery Dumbass: back at it again with the nii-san

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: stop changing the subject give us the details

Fiery Dumbass: IS NOBODY GONNA BELIEVE ME HERE

Yummy Bon Bon: rin yOU LITTLE DEMON SPAWN GET OVER HERE

Drunk Booby Bitch: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yuk: SHURA NO

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Wait, I think I know that emoticon… it’s called the Lenny face! I think it’s supposed to mean something suggestive…

Illuminati Confirmed: SHIEMI HIDE YOUR EYES

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: shiemi protection squad assemble

_**Drunk Booby Bitch** has been kicked from **Hell**_

Fiery Dumbass: that was easy

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: Shiemi do not ever look up that emoticon’s meaning or origins you are too pure and sweet

Drunk Booby Bitch: get a room you closet cases

Yuk: wAIT

Fiery Dumbass: WHO SENT HER AN INVITE

Yummy Bon Bon:

Konekomeowru:

Smol Angry Pigtail Child:

Yuk:

Illuminati Confirmed:

Woof Woof Mephisto: oops i did it again

Fiery Dumbass: IM DONE

Yuk: ……………

Yummy Bon Bon: are we just going to ignore that shiemi disappeared

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: oH NO

Yuk: IS SHE LOOKING UP THE LENNY FACE

Fiery Dumbass: HOLY SHIT

Konekomeowru: WE FAILED IN PROTECTING HER

Yummy Bon Bon: GOD DAMNIT

Illuminati Confirmed: SHE’S DOOMED

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Guys, what’s a “blowjob”?


	2. The Terror Twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Booby Bitch: and where were you in all this
> 
> Fiery Dumbass: i was hiding under his bed
> 
> Yuk: im so sorry

Yummy Bon Bon: thats it im officially dubbing rin and yukio the terror twins

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: and why is this

Illuminati Confirmed: its because of them that bon is covered in wet shredded mozzarella cheese and all star by smash mouth is playing on a boombox in our dorm

Drunk Booby Bitch: wait what the fuck

Yuk: im so sorry

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: I’m sure Yukio wouldn’t do anything like that.. are you sure he played a part in it?

Fiery Dumbass: it was accidental but the greatest thing ever

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: can we get a rundown on what happened because im just so lost rn

Fiery Dumbass: OK SO

Fiery Dumbass: WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS

Fiery Dumbass: i wanted to prank bon because i was bored and kuro dared me to do it so i devised a plan

Fiery Dumbass: basically i took 3 bags of shredded mozzarella cheese and poured it all into a big bucket and made a tripwire contraption over the kyoto trio’s door

Fiery Dumbass: after that i got a half broken old boombox from a pawn shop for $30 (it was an older one that only used cds and vhs tapes but the vhs tapes part was broken so) and i got an all star cd and blasted it and ran away so when bon went to go check on the noise he would trip over the wire and get covered in cheese

Fiery Dumbass: except yukio was also walking nearby to check the noise and he was holding water so when he heard bon yell after tripping and getting covered in cheese yukio jumped from the noise and the water spilled all over bon

Fiery Dumbass: it was the greatest thing ever

Drunk Booby Bitch: and where were you in all this

Fiery Dumbass: i was hiding under his bed

Yuk: im so sorry

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Wait.. where’s Konekomaru? 

Yummy Bon Bon: busy voluntarily cleaning up the terror twins’ mess

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: im still stuck on the part where rin gets into the room but whatever

Yummy Bon Bon: im taking a shower to wipe off the terror twins’ destruction, watch rin pl0x

Illuminati Confirmed: nobody says pl0x anymore

Fiery Dumbass: wAIT WHY DO I NEED TO BE WATCHED BY YOU I HAVE YUKIO AND SHURA

Yuk: personally i find it depressing to have to watch you 24/7 but whatever

Fiery Dumbass: fuck you

Drunk Booby Bitch: @Yuk seconded

Fiery Dumbass: fuck you too

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Let’s all be nice to each other (;´□｀)

Yuk: why am i listening to rock music

Fiery Dumbass: because you’re emo

Yuk: how does that make me emo its just rock music

Fiery Dumbass: stop lying i heard your sound leak you’re listening to evanescence

Drunk Booby Bitch: thats pretty emo to me

Illuminati Confirmed: @Drunk Booby Bitch seconded

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: emo yukio confirmed

Drunk Booby Bitch: its the second coming of hipster yukio except emo

Yuk: not that again

Illuminati Confirmed: you mean the time rin edited a bunch of pictures of yukio and added starbucks cups and beanies? that was hilarious

Fiery Dumbass: time to run to the library and open ms paint and edit more pics of emo yukio

Yuk: please no

Yummy Bon Bon: what did i miss

Konekomeowru: ^

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: you both missed the second coming of hipster yukio: emo yukio

Konekomeowru: how did this come to be?..

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: basically rin revealed to everybody yukio was listening to evanescence and we told him thats emo and now rin is running to the library to edit more pictures of yukio in ms paint

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Good explanation, Izumo! (´∀｀)♡

Drunk Booby Bitch: @Smol Angry Pigtail Child @Innocent Cinnamon Roll just fuck already

Fiery Dumbass: thats hot

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: SHIEMI DO NOT REPLY

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: …?

Drunk Booby Bitch: [scissor emoji]

Fiery Dumbass: oH OK

Yuk: WHAT

Yummy Bon Bon: LOL

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: …???

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: AGAIN, SHIEMI, DO NOT REPLY OR LOOK UP WHAT THE EMOJI MEANS

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: It’s just a pair of scissors, right? But your reactions make me think it means something else..

Konekomeowru: shiemi dw it means nothing its just an inside joke

Drunk Booby Bitch: haha no

Illuminati Confirmed: haha _yes_

Drunk Booby Bitch: haha **_no_**

_**Drunk Booby Bitch** has been banned from **Hell**_

Konekomeowru: [clapping emoji]

Yummy Bon Bon: good riddance

Fiery Dumbass: and just to be safe before i go back to editing the third emo yukio picture

_**Woof Woof Mephisto** has been banned from **Hell**_

Illuminati Confirmed: this is beautiful

Illuminati Confirmed: to both the banning of shura and mephisto and the emo yukio photo album

Yuk: why do you guys do these things to me

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: because its fun

Yummy Bon Bon: ^

Konekomeowru: ^

Illuminati Confirmed: ^

Fiery Dumbass: ^

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: I think it’s kinda mean to be doing these things to Yukio.. (;´Д`)

Yuk: nah its alright shiemi they enjoy watching me suffer

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Also I looked up the scissors emoji meaning and it said something about fingering?..

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: AVERT YOUR EYES SHIEMI

Yummy Bon Bon: NONONONONO

Yuk: SHIEMI I AM ON THE WAY

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: ???

Woof Woof Mephisto: i find it amusing how quick you all react to moriyama discovering things like this

Fiery Dumbass: I RETURN TO FIND THIS

Fiery Dumbass: H O W

Woof Woof Mephisto: courtesy of my little spy i was able to return here <3

Konekomeowru: WE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT @Sleepyhead EVERYONE

_**Woof Woof Mephisto** has been banned from **Hell**_

Fiery Dumbass: revoked takara’s admin privileges (dunno how he got them but i can guess it was mephisto)

Yuk: im back

Yuk: i cleared shiemi’s internet history and put safe search on everywhere

Fiery Dumbass: good

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: ｡(*^▽^*)ゞ

Yummy Bon Bon: i assume you got there so quickly by using a key

Yuk: correct

Fiery Dumbass: in other news

Fiery Dumbass: the first set of emo yukio images are complete

Fiery Dumbass: [emoyukio1.png](http://i.imgur.com/MeIXtPl.png)

Fiery Dumbass: [emoyukio2.png](http://i.imgur.com/HqGqCUy.png)

Fiery Dumbass: [emoyukio3.png](http://i.imgur.com/2dflAE0.png)

Yuk: this was a mistake

Drunk Booby Bitch: the chat or you and rin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spent half an hour editing those pics you sinners


	3. This Good (not) Christian Server™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok i said i would have ch 3 ready in august or early september but just to get it out there i lied
> 
> ..whoops

Yuk: Hey can someone do me a huge favor?

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: What?

Drunk Booby Bitch: wat

Yuk: Shoot me

Drunk Booby Bitch: well in that case no

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: what a fantastic way to start the day

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: ???

Fiery Dumbass: there will be no shooting of others in this Good Christian Server™

Drunk Booby Bitch: rin you are literally satanic

Fiery Dumbass: then there will be no shooting of others in this mostly Good Christian Server™

Drunk Booby Bitch: yukio's also your brother you dumb fuck

Fiery Dumbass: _**thERE WILL BE NO SHOOTING OF OTHERS IN THIS HALF GOOD CHRISTIAN SERVER™**_

Illuminati Confirmed: just another case of emo yukio being emo yukio

Drunk Booby Bitch: hey guys guess what

Drunk Booby Bitch: i got tickets for all of us to a convention

Yummy Bon Bon: but why

Konekomeowru: what type of convention?

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Convention?..

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: sounds fun but idk

Drunk Booby Bitch: its a furry convention

Fiery Dumbass: oH GOD NO

Yuk: furry convention?

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: ^

Yummy Bon Bon: uhh

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: you don't wanna know

Fiery Dumbass: shura where did you even get tickets to a convention

Drunk Booby Bitch: actually i lied i just wanted to see your reactions

Illuminati Confirmed: well fuck you

Drunk Booby Bitch: fuck you too

Konekomeowru: honestly its so strange to see those two curse

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: its strange to see anyone in this chat save for rin cursing

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: especially shiemi and yukio

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: ..and you

Konekomeowru: right

Yuk: i regret everything

Fiery Dumbass: what'd you do now

Yuk: i googled what a furry is

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: god damnit

Drunk Booby Bitch: you cant damn a son of satan to hell

Yummy Bon Bon: WAIT

Yummy Bon Bon: CAN'T THEY TECHNICALLY BE DAMNED TO HELL IF THEY'RE IN ASSIAH??

Drunk Booby Bitch:

Konekumeowru: [eyes emoji]

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: furry?? also I think if a son of satan like Rin or Yukio was in assiah right now they could technically be damned to hell again?

Fiery Dumbass: ok

Fiery Dumbass: 1) shiemi don't look it up

Fiery Dumbass: 2) i think bon and shiemi are right, i mean when i awakened satan tried to drag me into gehenna so thats close enough

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: wait what

Yummy Bon Bon: back up to the satan trying to drag you into gehenna part

Yuk: rin we talked about this

Fiery Dumbass: yeah um

Fiery Dumbass: im not saying anything

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: shura fill us in

Drunk Booby Bitch: [raised hands emoji]

Yummy Bon Bon: fuck

Konekomeowru: well we tried

Yummy Bon Bon: @Fiery Dumbass why wont you tell us?

Fiery Dumbass: none of your business you fucker lol

Yummy Bon Bon: at least tell us why you wont tell us? you dont have to tell us what it is

Fiery Dumbass: again, none of your business

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Please don't fight! :-(

Illuminati Confirmed: shiemi: guys please stop fighting we can settle this over a nice dinner

Illuminati Confirmed: rin and bon: *ripping out each other's urethras*

Fiery Dumbass: the hell is a urethra

Yuk: um

Illuminati Confirmed: oh yeah id tell you but shiemi's here

Fiery Dumbass: fuck

Drunk Booby Bitch: yukio we have a mission together in like 20 mins

Yuk: ugh i barely got any sleep last night

Yuk: ok let me get my coffee

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: but its like

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: 9am

Yuk: welcome to the life of an exorcist

Yuk: at least you're not 15 and already an exorcist

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: touche

Fiery Dumbass: yukio you better fucking eat something

Yuk:

Drunk Booby Bitch: we can get something later lets just get this shit over with

Drunk Booby Bitch: ok we gotta blast

Yummy Bon Bon: i got tired just reading that about doing missions at 9am

Fiery Dumbass: i s2g if yukio comes back without having eaten anything im gonna murder him

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: but why?

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: its his choice

Fiery Dumbass: Yeah but last time he came back from a mission (2 days ago) he had like no energy bc he hadnt eaten anything in 8 hours

Konekomeowru: does he just forget to eat

Fiery Dumbass: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Oh yeah, Yukio did forget to eat when we were younger and he used to tutor me (⌒_⌒;) Can't believe he still forgets!!

Yummy Bon Bon: thats unhealthy

Illuminati Confirmed: duh

Fiery Dumbass: alright im gonna go work on some more yukio pics ill be back in an hour

Illuminati Confirmed: rin: *nyooms to library*

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: accurate

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: "nyooms"...?

Illuminati Confirmed: its a meme

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Meme??? ლ(¯ロ¯"ლ)

Konekomeowru: n o

Illuminati Confirmed: oh, shiemi, you have much to learn about the world

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: except for the forbidden things

Illuminati Confirmed: yeah, except for the forbidden things

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: oh you mean like the blowjobs and the scissoring stuff? i mean those dont sound forbidden just... icky ┬┴┬┴┤(･_├┬┴┬┴

Yummy Bon Bon: _**NO**_

Konekomeowru: _**NO**_

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: _**NO**_

Illuminati Confirmed: _**NO**_

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: @Fiery Dumbass

Fiery Dumbass: _**NO**_

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: ..(//▽//)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmmmmmm ok i have a problem
> 
> i dont rly ship bonrin or izushie anymore unlike when i started this fic and while ive noticed myself shipping rinshie more i think this fic is more suited as a genfic rather than a shipfic due to its cracky nature
> 
> so can i please get some feedback in the comments about it? my problem is that a lot of the readers are huge bonrin fans and i dont want to disappoint anyone e-e
> 
> anyway thank you for reading!


	4. Damnit Shima

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smol Angry Pigtail Child: damnit shima you corrupted shiemi
> 
> Illuminati Confirmed: not yet ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Smol Angry Pigtail Child: oH nO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crawls out from dark hole of suffering*
> 
> it's bEEN SO LONG
> 
> AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH
> 
> i crave death

Yuk: @Illuminati Confirmed please explain  


Illuminati Confirmed: huh what i didnt do anything what are you talking about

Yuk: im talking about the damn thing you sent me

Drunk Booby Bitch: OOOOOOOOOO YUKIO CURRRRRRSED

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: god help us

Drunk Booby Bitch: god help yukio's sanity

Yummy Bon Bon: for the first time im agreeing with you shura

Yuk: shura aren't you supposed to be doing something else besides talking with people half your age

Drunk Booby Bitch: i fucking hate you yukio

Yuk: i hate me too

Drunk Booby Bitch: sure you do

Konekomeowru: am i interrupting something

Yummy Bon Bon: no they're just arguing as usual

Konekomeowru: oh

Fiery Dumbass: i come back to see my brother teacher arguing with my sword teacher about hating each other and themselves

Yuk: "brother teacher"

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: he tried

Fiery Dumbass: no i didnt

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: oh

Yummy Bon Bon: when do you ever try at anything besides killing shit with your flamey sword

Fiery Dumbass: a) never b) flamey sword i love it

Fiery Dumbass: actually wait

_**Fiery Dumbass** has changed their nickname to **Flamey Sword Guy**_

Flamey Sword Guy: perfect

Flamey Sword Guy: in fact i think we're all in need of name changes

Illuminati Confirmed: ooh ooh i got this

Illuminati Confirmed: ok im eagle one

Illuminati Confirmed: yukio is "been there, done that"

Yuk: fuck you

Yummy Bon Bon: nO NOT THIS MEME

Illuminati Confirmed: izumo is "currently doing that"

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: i dont get it

Illuminati Confirmed: shiemi is "it happened once in a dream"

Konekomeowru: makes sense

Innocent Cinnamon Roll: Huh? I don't get it either.. (*/_＼)

Illuminati Confirmed: bon is "if i had to pick a dude"

Yummy Bon Bon: i hate you

Illuminati Confirmed: to borrow from yukio, i hate me too

Yuk: again, fuck you

Flamey Sword Guy: language

Illuminati Confirmed: and konekomaru is..

Yummy Bon Bon: here it comes

Illuminati Confirmed: eagle two

Konekomeowru: oh thank god

Yummy Bon Bon: you fell into the meme trap koneko

Konekomeowru: oof

Drunk Booby Bitch: **_OOF_**

Drunk Booby Bitch: whats my new nickname

Illuminati Confirmed: you dont deserve a nickname

Drunk Booby Bitch: hey im your elder

Yummy Bon Bon: arent you 18

Drunk Booby Bitch: THAT STILL MAKES ME YOUR ELDER

Yuk: bon shes not 18 shes 27

Drunk Booby Bitch: shut up nerd

Yummy Bon Bon: oh

Flamey Sword Guy: im not changing any of your nicknames to those

Illuminati Confirmed: rin please

Flamey Sword Guy: no

Illuminati Confirmed: no u

Illuminati Confirmed: OK GUYS CHANGE YOUR NICKNAMES TO THE ONES I GAVE YOU ALL

Illuminati Confirmed: pLeAsE

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: no

_**Innocent Cinnamon Roll** has changed their nickname to **It Happened Once in a Dream**_

It Happened Once in a Dream: Did it, but I still don't get it.. (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

Flamey Sword Guy: i should've seen this coming

Yummy Bon Bon: yeah you should've, now look what happened

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: damnit shima you corrupted shiemi

Illuminati Confirmed: not yet ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: oH nO

_**Flamey Sword Guy** has muted **Illuminati Confirmed** for **10 minutes**_

Yummy Bon Bon: !!!

Konekomeowru: wait what happened to the emo yukio pics

Flamey Sword Guy: oh i forgot about them, hold up ill upload them here

Yuk: ding dong the witch is dead

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: wait did yukio just make a joke

Flamey Sword Guy: holy shit

_**Flamey Sword Guy** pinned a message to this channel. **[See all pinned messages.](https://i.imgur.com/COtl106.png)**_

Yuk: why

Flamey Sword Guy: because you made a joke

Flamey Sword Guy: that is rare for you

Yuk: i never noticed

Drunk Booby Bitch: you never noticed because you never make jokes

Yummy Bon Bon: agreeing with shura for the second time today regarding something about yukio

Yuk: damnit

It Happened Once in a Dream: This is funny, Yukio's been acting so weird the whole time on the chat! o(≧▽≦)o

Yuk: what do you mean

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: well you've been cursing more and you joked

Smol Angry Pigtail Child: and none of us have seen you do those, like ever

Yuk: good point

Yuk: time to revert back to my old self

Yuk: _magical girl transformation noises_

Yummy Bon Bon: I JUST SPIT OUT MY DRINK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im melo and i steal memes
> 
> alsotheactualnamechangesforthecharactersiscominginthenextchapterhahasuckers


	5. MMMMmmmmmMMMMMM DADDY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy: @Double Traitor GO MESSAGE YUKIO NOW
> 
> Daddy: I WILL CLEAR THE CHAT, EVERYONE COPY THE INVITE AND PREPARE TO SPAM IT WHEN HE COMES
> 
> Double Traitor: what if the plan doesnt work
> 
> Daddy: SSSSSHHHHH IT WILL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im back from the grave to bring my two readers yet another chapter
> 
> since im introducing a new group chat into this i figure id put the names here as a reference since most of these characters are in the manga and its hard to remember their names lmao
> 
> enjoy the next installment in this cavalcade of shit
> 
> Daddy: Lucifer (we ALL know why hes named that)  
> i don't exist: Toudou Homare (weird illuminati lady with the blonde bangs and brown short hair, yeah that person)  
> Double Traitor: Shima (who else could it fuckin be)  
> demon fucker 69: Toudou Saburota (kek)  
> Evil Twin #1: Lund  
> Evil Twin #2: Strom

**_Serious Business™_** , **_11:23pm_**

Daddy: alright fuckers

Daddy: its time we devise a new plan to recruit yukio

i dont exist: what

Double Traitor: fuck

demon fucker 69: MMMmmmmMMMMM WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE BEST WAY TO RECRUIT YUKIO DADDY LUCIFER

i dont exist: NO NOT THIS AGAIN

_**Daddy** has muted **demon fucker 69** for **3 minutes**_

Double Traitor: ok good we're safe

Double Traitor: ..for now

Daddy: ok

Daddy: so my plan is

Daddy: we rename the chat and disguise it as a chat for discussing your problems

Double Traitor: wait wait wait

Daddy: dO NOT INTERRUPT YOUR SUPERIOR

Double Traitor: OK OK FUCK

Daddy: and so we get shima to invite yukio over

Daddy: and when he says yes we'll all repost this over and over again until he agrees:

Daddy: **Hello! (･ω <)~☆ We formally would like to invite you to join the Illuminati!! (つ≧▽≦)つ We have cool things like therapy, learning about your weird eye powers nobody in canon is fucking talking about, and secrets to your birth!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ See you soon good friend of ours!!**

i dont exist: oh my god

Evil Twin #1: is this just

Evil Twin #2: one big shitpost

Double Traitor: probably tbh knowing this shitshow of an organization

i dont exist: dO NOT DISRESPECT YOUR EMPLOYERS

Double Traitor: OK I WASNT EVEN TALKING ABOUT A SPECIFIC PERSON HERE

i dont exist: YOU ARE DISRESPECTING OUR ORGANIZATION AS A WHOLE, SPY

i dont exist: LEARN YOUR PLACE

Double Traitor: JESUS OK

i dont exist: :) thank you!

Evil Twin #1: my

Evil Twin #2: god, lmao

demon fucker 69: @Daddy so when are we gonna put the plan into motion daddy?

Daddy: Now™

i dont exist: FUCK

Evil Twin #1: wAIT

Evil Twin #2: WHAT

Daddy: @Double Traitor GO MESSAGE YUKIO NOW

Daddy: I WILL CLEAR THE CHAT, EVERYONE COPY THE INVITE AND PREPARE TO SPAM IT WHEN HE COMES

Double Traitor: what if the plan doesnt work

Daddy: SSSSSHHHHH IT WILL

i dont exist: liSTEN TO YOUR SUPERIOR YOU DAMN SPY

Double Traitor: FML

Daddy: ok im clearing and renaming the chat now

Daddy: everyone shut the fuck up

_**Daddy** has renamed **Serious Business™** to **Therapy Support Group! (´ ∀ ` *)**._

_**Daddy** has cleared the chat._

_**Illuminati Confirmed**_ to **Yuk** , **11:28pm**

Illuminati Confirmed: hey dipshit

Yuk: what

Illuminati Confirmed: so im on this meme server

Yuk: oh no

Illuminati Confirmed: and i thought you'd like to join it

Yuk: no

Illuminati Confirmed: nO TRUST ME ITS REALLY FUCKING FUNNY THERE

Yuk: why should i join

Illuminati Confirmed BECAUSE ALL WE DO IS SHITPOST AND YOU NEED A GOOD LAUGH YOU MENTALLY UNSTABLE LITTLE SHIT

Yuk: ugh fine

Yuk: just send the invite, hopefully this'll shut you up for the next few months before the next chapter comes out

Illuminati Confirmed: alright

Illuminati Confirmed: here you go! https://discord.gg/694keK

Yuk: why is it called "Therapy Support Group! (´ ∀ ` *)"

Illuminati Confirmed: its a shitpost

Yuk: of course it is

Yuk: ok, i joined

Illuminati Confirmed: alrighty

 ** _Therapy Support Group! (´ ∀ ` *)_** , **_11:30pm_**

Yuk: what

Daddy: **Hello! (･ω <)~☆ We formally would like to invite you to join the Illuminati!! (つ≧▽≦)つ We have cool things like therapy, learning about your weird eye powers nobody in canon is fucking talking about, and secrets to your birth!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ See you soon good friend of ours!!**

i dont exist: **Hello! (･ω <)~☆ We formally would like to invite you to join the Illuminati!! (つ≧▽≦)つ We have cool things like therapy, learning about your weird eye powers nobody in canon is fucking talking about, and secrets to your birth!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ See you soon good friend of ours!!**

demon fucker 69: **Hello! (･ω <)~☆ We formally would like to invite you to join the Illuminati!! (つ≧▽≦)つ We have cool things like therapy, learning about your weird eye powers nobody in canon is fucking talking about, and secrets to your birth!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ See you soon good friend of ours!!**

Evil Twin #1: **Hello! (･ω <)~☆ We formally would like to invite you to join the Illuminati!! (つ≧▽≦)つ We have cool things like therapy, learning about your weird eye powers nobody in canon is fucking talking about, and secrets to your birth!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ See you soon good friend of ours!!**

Evil Twin #2: **Hello! (･ω <)~☆ We formally would like to invite you to join the Illuminati!! (つ≧▽≦)つ We have cool things like therapy, learning about your weird eye powers nobody in canon is fucking talking about, and secrets to your birth!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ See you soon good friend of ours!!**

Double Traitor: **Hello! (･ω <)~☆ We formally would like to invite you to join the Illuminati!! (つ≧▽≦)つ We have cool things like therapy, learning about your weird eye powers nobody in canon is fucking talking about, and secrets to your birth!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ See you soon good friend of ours!!**

Yuk: welp thats my cue to leave

Double Traitor: nO YUKI-CHAN

Yuk: wh

Daddy: KEEP SPAMMING IT

Daddy: **Hello! (･ω <)~☆ We formally would like to invite you to join the Illuminati!! (つ≧▽≦)つ We have cool things like therapy, learning about your weird eye powers nobody in canon is fucking talking about, and secrets to your birth!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ See you soon good friend of ours!!**

i dont exist: **Hello! (･ω <)~☆ We formally would like to invite you to join the Illuminati!! (つ≧▽≦)つ We have cool things like therapy, learning about your weird eye powers nobody in canon is fucking talking about, and secrets to your birth!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ See you soon good friend of ours!!**

demon fucker 69: **Hello! (･ω <)~☆ We formally would like to invite you to join the Illuminati!! (つ≧▽≦)つ We have cool things like therapy, learning about your weird eye powers nobody in canon is fucking talking about, and secrets to your birth!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ See you soon good friend of ours!!**

Yuk: yeah im out

Daddy: NOOOOOOOOOOO

_**Yuk** has left **Therapy Support Group! (´ ∀ ` *)**_

demon fucker 69: fuck

Double Traitor: i told you all this wouldnt work

i dont exist: dO NOT INSULT LUCIFER-SAMA'S BRILLIANT PLAN

i dont exist: IT MAY NOT HAVE WORKED TODAY BUT SOON HE'LL THINK OF AN EVEN BETTER ONE AND NEXT TIME WE'LL BE ABLE TO RECRUIT YUKIO

Evil Twin #1: MUCH AGREED,

Evil Twin #2: HOMARE-SAMA

Double Traitor: dear god im going to bed

Daddy: OK

Daddy: THE PLAN MAY HAVE NOT WORKED TODAY

Daddy: BUT AS HOMARE HAS SAID

Daddy: I, THE KING OF LIGHT, WILL THINK OF A NEW ONE THAT WILL SUCCEED IN FINALLY RECRUITING YUKIO

Daddy: GOOD NIGHT MY FELLOW ILLUMINATI MEMBERS

demon fucker 69: this is why we arent focused on in canon is it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i know last chapter i promised name changes but i got this idea in my head and i HAD to fucking write it
> 
> i intended on putting the name changes part into this chapter too but then i got tired while writing it and since it already went over my usual word count (1k words) i figured id put it in the next
> 
> anyway next chapter i promise more emo yukio, name changes, and shura being a bitch as usual
> 
> oh and i may or may not get it out quicker than the usual update every few months, who knows lmao


End file.
